Mastering the intangibles: public speaking

Note: At the end of this email, I’m inviting you to my monthly Kids Present to Peers public speaking session, hosted online over Google Meet. Check the end of the email for details about how to participate.

Look at your co-workers and ask yourself, “who are the people that are getting promoted?” Look at the people closing deals or raising funding for their business. What qualities stand out?

Are they particularly good at math?

Did they get straight A’s in school?

I will strongly argue that the majority of hyper successful people didn’t get the highest grades in school; instead, these hyper successful people are excellent at the intangibles:

1. Influence: Turning ideas into compelling stories, leading by example, and inspiring action with every word you speak.

2. Emotional Intelligence (EQ): Mastering the art of reading the room, understanding emotions, and building connections that last.

3. Resilience: Bouncing back from setbacks, embracing change, and handling whatever life throws your way—without losing your cool.

4. Integrity: Doing what’s right, owning up to your actions, and staying true to your word—no shortcuts, just solid character.

5. Vision: Seeing the big picture, tackling challenges creatively, and making smart moves that keep you two steps ahead.

Look, I get it—many of you are laser-focused on seeing your kids get those A’s and landing that coveted college acceptance letter. Personally, I don’t expect my kids to go to college; I’m training them from the ground up to be entrepreneurs. Who needs student loans when you can have your own successful business by age 18?

And yet, even with this goal in mind, I get stuck in the complacency of training them for good grades and sports.

So, here’s the question: are you just raising straight-A sports stars, or are you teaching your kids the real MVP qualities—like influence, resilience, and the ability to dream up a vision and chase it down?

When I was in college, absolutely no student was getting a job at Bain, McKinsey, or BCG (management consulting firms). I decided to do something about it — I started an organization on campus called Bruin Consulting with the goal of helping UCLA students get management consulting jobs.

Seemed easy-peasy. I got some co-founders and invited students to come to our events.

The panic hit the night before the first event.

As the Founder and President, I was expected to make a grand speech. But I was so afraid to speak in public that I wanted to call my co-founders and tell them that I quit, that one of them should be President and speak to the students.

I never made the call to quit. I forced myself to show up the next day, and to my shock, hundreds of students showed up — the room was packed to the brim. Thank God I didn’t back out because this day turned out to be the most important day of my life — not because I ended up giving my speech (I barely made it through the speech while sweating bullets), but because one of the first members of Bruin Consulting, sitting right there in the audience, was Kim, my future wife and mother to my children. ❤️

Yes, let that sink in. If I’d caved to my fear and ghosted that speech, I never would have met the love of my life.

During the next many weeks, my goal will be to teach you how to train your children on the intangibles of business. Just how you send them to Kumon to learn math and English, just how you send them to Gymnastics class to develop athleticism, the intangibles of business must be developed and trained as a skill.

How to train your children to dominate public speaking

Public speaking isn’t just about standing up and saying a few words. For entrepreneurs, it’s about communicating clearly, confidently, and even persuasively. It’s the art of looking people in the eye, hiring the right talent, firing them when they’re not a fit, and asking people to buy into your vision. If our kids master this, they’ll have a head start on influencing people and making things happen.

So, I’m here to share my battle-tested tips to help your kids become fearless communicators — it’s time to turn dinner tables into TED stages.

1. Dinner with a whiteboard

Note: This is optional, but so highly recommended. Go to Amazon and buy yourself a rollable whiteboard. It’s fantastic for teaching your kids and for them to learn how to present. Here’s the one I bought.

During most weekday dinners, I ask my children (Juniper who is 7 and Kimbal who is 5) to get up and present about their day. I use the whiteboard to teach them how to create bullet points (talking points) so that they don’t have to read off of note cards or memorize their speech. They still fidget, mumble, and stare everywhere around the room except at Kim and me, but it’s all about practice. Some kids may have a talent for this and excel from day one, but it’s likely that your kids, like mine, are shy and uncomfortable speaking in front of people.

While they talk, I gently remind them to stop fidgeting, to talk louder and project their voice, and to look at my wife and me. At these ages, it’s all about consistency and building comfort speaking.

2. Eye contact has power

Both Elon Musk and Steve Jobs are known for having stares that can burn into the depths of your soul.

I remember back in college, my close friend Gabriel was known for having “shark eyes”. His stare could almost cut you.

Unfortunately, I have soft, puppy eyes. My wife seems to like them, but not good when I’m trying to negotiate a deal with an investor.

Fortunately, eye contact can be trained. Play a “staring contest” game where you both have to hold eye contact while chatting about something simple, like what toppings they want on their pizza. This small step practiced over and over again can be a game-changer when it comes to eye contact. Just be prepared for them to start winning those stare-downs.

3. Loud and proud

At home with the kids, my children have one volume setting: shrieking banshee. I swear, there is barely a moment of silence, to the point where I can’t even hear myself think.

But as soon as we’re out in public and I tell them to order their food with the waitress, they all of a sudden turn into mutes, barely a whisper is audible.

It’s time to change that, and like the tips above, it’s about gradual, consistent practice and improvement.

During some of your dinners, have your child stand as far back as possible so that they’re forced to project their voice in order for you to hear them. When out and about, find situations where they must interact with another person — ordering food or checking out at a store are great, every-day places that can be used as a practice ground to project their voice.

4. Stand strong

Show your kid how to stand confidently. Feet shoulder-width apart, hands at their sides, and no fidgeting. Remind them not to cross their arms or put their hands in their pockets; those are like “Do Not Disturb” signs in body language. Teach them that if they stand tall, they’ll feel tall.

5. Improv – loosen up with role-playing

If your child gets bored of just telling you about their day, switch it up with a little improve. Have them role-play as a teacher, their favorite cartoon character, or (if you’re feeling adventurous) as you. Not only will this give them the confidence to speak, but it also builds adaptability, which is key to being a successful communicator. Plus, it’s fun to watch them be “in charge” for a change.

6. Prepare, don’t just wing it

Help them prepare ahead of time, even if it’s just a few bullet points about what they want to say (this is where the whiteboard can come in handy). Explain that even adults don’t just “wing it” when they have to speak. Give them a little checklist, or encourage them to jot down their thoughts. You’ll be amazed how much it helps them feel ready to conquer the stage.

For the advanced: ask the audience a question

Teach them to start with a question, fun fact, or even a joke. It’s a great way to ease into their speech and get the “audience” (that’s you) engaged from the get-go. Not only does it make them more comfortable, but they learn that public speaking doesn’t always have to be serious—it can be fun and lighthearted too.

Bonus: video review

If you want to go the extra mile, recording their talks and playing it back to them is a great way for them to learn and grow as a speaker. Show them the playback and gently point out what they did well and what they can improve. Don’t go full movie critic mode—focus on their strengths, like their clear voice or awesome eye contact, and maybe just one area to work on. This keeps things positive and helps them see themselves the way others do.

Practicing public speaking at home will take them pretty far, but let’s be honest: they’re still just performing to us, their parents. To really level up, they need to feel that heart-thumping, voice-shaking thrill of speaking in front of people they don’t share a roof with.

Join my monthly Google Meet: Kids Present to Peers

To help my kids and your kids improve their presentation skills, I’ve started a monthly Google Meet speaking practice session. Think of it as a mini TED Talk meets family FaceTime — each child gets 1 - 5 minutes to talk about a topic of their choice in front of their peers. The whole session is only 30 minutes, kids love it, the stakes are low, and the benefits are huge.

• When: The first Wednesday of each month

• Time: 5pm PT/8pm ET

• Where: Online (Google Meet link)

If you’re interested in joining, reply back to this email and I’ll send you the calendar invite.

If today’s lesson about dinner TED talks gave you an insight, or even a little validation, pass it along to another brave parent on this journey. The best compliment you can give is spreading the word about Dad Smarter Not Harder (this email list).

Lastly, I’m building an entrepreneurial course for pre-teens and teens. My goal is to help my children dream up tech, e-commerce, or creator businesses. If you want your kids in on that action, shoot me a note!

Thanks for sticking with me—see you next Sunday!

God bless,
Jun Loayza