Your kid is a video game character

I’m writing this at the risk of typecasting my children.

Juniper, Kimbal, if you’re reading this, know that I love you each uniquely. My goal is not to impose predefined roles onto you; rather, it’s to document my parenting journey and to teach what I’ve learned from raising you two.

I find it absolutely fascinating that children born from the same parents, raised similarly, can be so starkly different.

Juniper, my first born, can sit for an hour, focused on one thing, be it drawing, reading a book, or playing the piano. Did I do something as a parent to teach her this level of focus?

Kimbal, my second, is the first one to help you cook, clean the tables, sweep the yard, or go shopping together at the grocery store. Did I do something as a parent to teach her to be helpful?

No. I believe that in both cases, Juniper and Kimbal are exemplifying traits that they’re born with. Life is wonderful because each child is so unique, but it can also be the root of sibling rivalry, tantrums, and frustrations as a parent.

Just today as I was writing this email, my cousin sent me the image below.

By the time Juniper was 5, she had matured into an absolute angel. She was helpful around the house, independent, excelled in school — the maturity from 4 to 5 was so astounding that Kim and I patted each other in the back saying, “wow, we’re such good parents”. Haha.

So when Kimbal was having her tantrums at 3 and 4, both Kim and I would say, “just a few more years until 5, then it’s smooth sailing.”

Well, 5 came for Kimbal, and it opened the door to some of her worst meltdowns ever. I was shocked. I caught myself thinking in my head, “Why can’t Kimbal mature already! Juniper was way more mature by 5 years old.”

Don’t worry, I only said this in my head. But in my deep frustration, I unlocked a whole new perspective: instead of looking at Kimbal as just my child, I saw her as a protagonist in a video game.

One of my favorite Role Playing Games (RPGs) growing up was Final Fantasy 7.

You start the game as Cloud Strife, the guy in the middle with spiky hair. On your quest to save the world, you team up with a rag tag group of people, each with their own special traits and abilities.

Aeris Gainsborough (Aerith), the one in a pink dress above, is a healer; Barret Wallace, the huge dude with a gun for an arm, is a long-range attacker. As the player, you need to train, level up, and equip your characters with the right items in order to beat the game.

For example, I wouldn’t equip Aerith as a fighter because her attacks would be too weak to defeat enemies; I wouldn’t equip Barret as a healer because his magic would be too weak to heal my characters.

I took the model of training and improving a character in an RPG and applied it to my children.

Juniper

Juniper loves rules. She likes to stay within the lane, color within the lines; she excels when there is a clearly defined objective and steps to accomplish that objective.

It’s been easy because modern society is setup for these types of kids to succeed: Juniper excels in school, she likes her Kumon work, and she loves hanging out at the library to read books.

Kimbal

In contrast, I don’t believe that modern society is setup for kids like Kimbal to succeed. Kimbal wants to be hands on, work in tandem with what you’re doing, be it cooking, cleaning, buying groceries, or installing outdoor cameras in your backyard. She shines best when the goals are not predefined, when there is risk and excitement involved, and especially when the task at hand is physical — like using a screwdriver.

So, just how I trained each character in Final Fantasy 7 differently, I needed to train Kimbal differently.

Although I still want Kimbal to learn the piano, chess, to do her Kumon work, I’m not forcing it on her. Yes, we’ll still carve out time to do the above, but I spend more time with Kimbal involving her in my day-to-day activities, like shopping for batteries at Home Depot or attending an in-person HOA meeting in my community.

And you know what, Kimbal loves it. While Juniper decides to stay at home and draw, Kimbal is ecstatic to go out with me on an adventure.

So is it nature or nurture?

Obviously it’s both, but I believe there is a clear method to the madness:

1. Parents need to realize and understand that they can’t raise their children all in the same manner

2. Parents need to identify their children’s special abilities and traits at a young age

3. By knowing these traits, parents can personalize their training methods for each child

Kim and I are expecting our 3rd child soon. I can’t wait to see how wonderful and unique little Linda will be.

After all, it’s the uniqueness of each child that makes life so wonderful.

If today’s lesson about turning your child into a video game character gave you a valuable insight, or even a little validation, pass it along to another brave parent on this journey. The best compliment you can give is spreading the word about Dad Smarter Not Harder (this email list).

Lastly, I’m building an entrepreneurial course for teens (6-Week Entrepreneurship Bootcamp for Teenagers). My goal is to help my children dream up tech, e-commerce, or creator businesses. If you want your kids in on that action, shoot me a note!

See you next Sunday!

God bless,

Jun Loayza